The Flame-Pits of Delaware

A while back I saw at the library a book entitled Jasper Dash and the Flame-Pits of Delaware.
This ought to be good, I think After all, I have some experience with Delaware. Also, I want to see what kind of person writes a book like that.



Recently I reread the thing. It would be pretty difficult to miss the actuality of the First State more completely, but the storytelling, plot and especially humor were superb. Impressed by the genius of M. T. Anderson, the author, I wrote him a letter under the guise of a citizen of Delaware, as told by his book. It went like this:

Dear M. T. Anderson,

I am apologizing for letter's much taking time.
First note: My grammar is off in this letter because apparently we Delawarians have our own language, called Doverian, and learn English as a second language, and therefore have accents. Who knew?

Ministry of Silence hold up process. Ministry of Silence much help.
Second note: The Ministry of Silence is the name given to the spy network of the Awful and Adorable Autarch of Dagsboro, the tyrannical military leader of Delaware who dictates from Dover with an iron fist.

Also, maybe burns from when dragon set house on fire. (Second head on toe be surprising me.) Don't worry, saved fire extinguisher as running away.
Anyways, I am thanking you for accurate portrayal of Dlwar (Delware, you call) in book Jasper Dash and the Flame-Pits of Delaware.
Third note: According to Delawarian belief, vowels are sacred and reserved almost exclusively for our pantheon of gods, including Aieeeee, the fearsome god of war. For this reason there are very few vowels in common Doverian words.

I much impressed that you know of Dupontville Fine Excellent View Stay Hotel's bad walls and vaultapult rates. Those are both in the book. I guess we get great distances by vaultapult, which is like a spoon/catapult on the roof from which we are flung. That actually is important to the plot.

You also make many funny joke when you say that we have 'jaywalked' here, or that ground be always visible and not show to mantle of Earth at 4:27 pm on weekdays. Hahaha! That, I just made up.

I be talking to Autarch to get changed to match book, but he not like and I be writing rest of letter upside-down over cage of hungry pwkilz. Oh well.
At the end of the book, Mr. Anderson put a note to all real Delawarians suggesting that if the real thing doesn't line up with the book, we should get it changed to do so. The pwkilz I made up.

Finally, I be wishing you happy High Interstate Toll to Delaware Day. Canhg fmp vrmo!

Delawarian,
Ian H. Smith*
(Doverian: In H. Smth*)

So the whole thing went like this:

Dear M. T. Anderson,

I am apologizing for letter's much taking time. Ministry of Silence hold up process. Ministry of Silence much help. Also, maybe burns from when dragon set house on fire. (Second head on toe be surprising me.) Don't worry, saved fire extinguisher as running away.

Anyways, I am thanking you for accurate portrayal of Dlwar (Delaware, you call) in book Jasper Dash and the Flame-Pits of Delaware. I much impressed that you know of Dupontville Fine Excellent View Stay Hotel's bad walls and vaultapult rates.
You also make many funny joke when you say that we have 'jaywalked' here, or that ground be always visible and not show to mantle of Earth at 4:27 pm on weekdays. Hahaha! I be talking to Autarch to get changed to match book, but he not like and I be writing rest of letter upside-down over cage of hungry pwkilz. Oh well.

Finally, I be wishing you happy High Interstate Toll to Delaware Day. Canhg fmp vrmo!

Delawarian,
Ian H. Smith*
(Doverian: In H. Smth*)

A while later I got a reply:

Yeah. We were excited even before we opened it.

Inside the envelope:

The letter went like this:

GREETINGS FROM THE BLUE HEN... and the AUTARCH'S SECURITY FORCES.

What do you mean, Citizen, attempting to communicate with someone outside the bounds of the FAIR STATE of DELAWARE? You know that NO GOOD will come of it. Did the cage full of growling, spitting pwkilz teach you nothing? Did seven long years perched on the peak of a tower, with ravens nesting in your hair and high winds threatening to blow you down into the chasms below mean NOTHING to you? Oh, you are made of STRONG STUFF, Citizen Smth!* But know that the M. T. Anderson you wrote to CANNOT REPLY! We include an old photo of him withyour governor, the ex-Markell. Do you think either ever walked away from this meeting? Or at least, walked away without a strange, hypnotised mechanical motion in their hands + knees?

TREMBLE!!

and a short closing and so forth.

It was awesome. That part about the tower was illustrated, as you can see above.

Until later!

*Last name has been changed.

What Ian Does, Part II

I'm going to be a little more serious with this update. It was a bit more serious of an experience. From July 10th to 12th, I traveled with a large group of other youth belonging to my church to visit a site of religious significance.

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. In other words, I'm a Mormon. The point of this blog post is not to deliver a sermon on our beliefs, although I'll be happy to answer any questions that you have. Rather, this is a post to tell everybody about part of my life, a part that concerns my religion.

If you will be overly uncomfortable with discussion of religion,
or won't respect that I and others consider some of these things sacred,
then please, don't continue reading.

Mormons believe in modern revelation. We believe in Jesus, and when Jesus was alive on Earth, He established a church and taught men precious truths and principles. (Bear with me. This is necessary backstory.)

We also believe that after Christ and His apostles died, gradually the principles that Jesus taught were misunderstood and revised by men until the whole truth was no longer had.

We believe that eventually, God called a boy named Joseph Smith to restore what was lost and reestablish the church and principles that were had anciently. God also revealed to Joseph the location of an old record, like the Bible, on which was recorded the writings of people who lived on this continent before it was found by Christopher Columbus and whose descendants are the Native Americans. This record was called the Book of Mormon.


Now, the trip that we took was to Palmyra, New York. In and around Palmyra was where Joseph received the vision of and from God that told him of what he was expected to do, where he found the plates on which the record was engraved, and several other historic locations.

The crowning event was our visit to the grove where Joseph saw, in the flesh, God and His Son Jesus for the first time; it's a very spiritual and fulfilling experience. We also visited a number of other places, played games and did activities together to know and have fun with one another, and saw the Hill Cumorah Pageant, which is an event that involves a lot of dedicated actors and stage crew displaying live some of the key events in the Book of Mormon. Very well put together and worth going to, and all trip expenses were covered, so our families paid no money for it.

 

I won't bore you with more details than you need to hear. Basically, that's all the important stuff. I had both fun times and times that were ever so good in a way that's hard to describe. I met people and went places. Until next time!

Summer 2014 -- What Ian Does, Part I

This summer has been a good one, I must say.

In fact, so much has happened that I'm going to break all the stuff that's happened up into chunks! HaHA! Now you will have to CHECK this blog MULTIPLE TIMES to know all of the stuff that has been happening! BWAHAHAHA!

So with very little further ado, I introduce to you:

What Ian Does, Part I: Away at Camp

Now, in order for this description to be perfect, I will need you to close your eyes, and focus on the things that I will tell you.

No, not really. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that reading doesn't really work with your eyes closed.

But I do need you to use your imagination, as there are very few pictures of most of this stuff. Now...

'Twas the twenty-second day of June.

Ian was in his father's car

As the road rolled by and we made our way

To the Poconos, which is pretty far. (two and a half hours.)

He came to a place called Camp Minsi,

Where Boy Scouts come to learn new things.

Ian went there just last year.

He learned a lot of songs to sing. (Camp songs.)

This time Ian was a CIT,

A job at which he just debuted.

Helping counselors was what he did

In exchange for lots of food. (CIT stands for Counselor in Training.)

Ian stayed for two whole weeks.
He moved pipes and gathered wood.
Ian helped at arts & crafts.
Cherry cobbler.

(Yep. That says CHERRY COBBLER. Poems don't always have to rhyme.)

Anyway, camp was fun. I made a friend or two and played Magic: the Gathering. I had classes on how to be a good staff member. I acted as a victim for an amputated finger, lacerated arm, and some other things for First Aid classes. (One of the other CITs at one point had red-dyed petroleum jelly put on them to look like blood.)

The CITs have their own little area of camp to sleep in, with canvas over metal frames maybe ten feet to a side. There's enough room for two cots and people in them. However, we also get access to the staff site and its washers and dryers and showers and to know the staff password to the computers in the lounge.

During week one, I went to almost each different area of camp (such as the shooting range where they teach archery, shotgun shooting and rifle) and helped out for two or three hours, depending on what the counselors wanted me doing.

During week two, I stayed at Handicraft (where they teach stuff like basketry, pottery and chess) in the morning and Scoutcraft (for things like camping, cooking, and wilderness survival) in the afternoon.

The cherry cobbler? They wanted me to eat the leftovers, which was great except it was right after a big lunch. Not fun.

Life at camp in general: Camp begins on Sunday at noon, for the staff at least. We help the Scouts coming that week to get to their sites and help them get settled in. We then have a barbecue dinner and then a campfire, with a variety of skits and jokes and songs done by the staff.

Scouts take up to six merit badges in the week, with almost hour-long classes each day, starting at 9, after morning colors (putting the flags up) and breakfast for an hour at 7:30. People do also have the option of waking up earlier to jump in the lake 6 to 6:30. If they do this every day from Monday to Friday, they get an award.

At noon there's lunch for an hour. The dining hall, in addition to feeding the Scouts, has fans in it, so people like it. After every meal at least one staff member leads a camp song for everybody to sing.

From one to two everybody has a break, or "siesta."

Then there are three more hours of merit badges. Closing colors and dinner are at 6 to 7 pm. Evening programs like open swimming or shooting are run then.

Tuesday night, each troop can send people to compete in a decathlon of competitions put together by the staff. The activities are fun, and the CITs got to be in charge of one event!

Wednesday afternoon, any campers who want to can go on the "muck hike," which is a trudge through swampy dirt-water-mud-stuff for a few miles. If you bring a long stick and a buddy, it's terrific, and you get a patch for it, too. Afternoons also include "high adventure" activities like white water rafting for those 14 and up.

On Thursday night, the campers make food for themselves and the staff, and are judged in an "Iron Chef" type competition.

Friday night includes another campfire, with skits and acts put together by the campers.

Saturday is the day when everybody packs up and awards like the decathlon winner, cleanest campsite, and iron chef winners (meal and dessert) are given out, as well as merit badges and patches. Basically everybody clears out by noon.

Camp also has a store -- air-conditioned -- that sells ice cream, candy and slush puppies! It also sells stuff like rope and activity kits, I suppose...

Any questions can go as comments at the bottom of the post, I believe.

Stay tuned for part II!

Recently

Now, I realize that the last time I posted was almost three years ago. Suffice it to say that a lot has happened since then. Many of these important events can be found on the much more comprehensive thedoublestitch.blogspot.com. However, exploring that blog about a week ago, I found out that -- hey! -- I have my own, which I do believe had slipped my mind for, oh, at least a year. I'd like to start this post, then, with an apology (the term start being used here very loosely -- by the time the apology is actually written, I predict at least five preceding lines of text on this composition screen.)
I apologize for any inconvenience, heartache, or boredom that may or may not have been caused by my failure to update this blog. Hopefully, I'll end up being more diligent. Who knows? I'm not making any promises, but at least I've remembered that this webpage exists.
Now, a recap about me:
As of the writing of this post, I am (still) named Ian Hyrum Goodwin, if anyone who wanted to know, didn't. I am 13 years old and go to HB DuPont Middle School in Delaware, where I take 8th grade. I live in Delaware, too. I am a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, as well as a Boy Scout of America. I have been playing the trombone for five years and the piano for eight, although not as officially or intelligently, and I've only been taking paid lessons for two years. I like fantasy games like Magic: the Gathering and Pathfinder Roleplaying Game (which is a lot like Dungeons and Dragons) as well as a whole lot of other games and variations. I like to read, and am writing several books or stories, although only one or two seriously.

In the past three years, several important things have happened. While I'm not going to tell you all of them, some of the more public happenings are, not in any particular order besides the order in which I thought of them:
I have been accepted into the Delaware All-State Jr. Band twice.
I have (woo-hoo!) been ordained to the office of Deacon in the church, and recieved the holy Priesthood of God with that ordination. See http://mormon.org/faq/purpose-of-priesthood. I am currently a First Class Boy Scout and am awaiting a Scoutmaster Conference and Board of Review to advance to Star Scout. I've graduated from elementary school and am in the final grade of middle school (a slight variation on junior high, consisting of grades 6-8.) I had an absolutely amazing twelfth birthday party For the details, let me direct you to http://karrotsoup.blogspot.com/2012/05/harry-potter.html, a narration by my wonderful mother.
I'm likely to remember more, but that's all for now. Cheers! Have a nice day!:)